The Diary of The Unseen
by tomfelton1234
Summary: A breath will release a virus so contagious, With the fire in my eyes and the magic of the sages. A Short Story My Boyfriend Wrote.
1. Day 1

Day 1

_Day 1__  
__January 16, 2008__  
__Expressions, emotions, thoughts, and lives can always be altered. No one knew of this hidden secret I held deep inside. Lying helplessly every night on my back crying, cursing, exploding from internally built up rage against myself. I may speak the truth but some may not believe, because to society I appear fine. I'm writing a diary of feelings no one knows of, and that no one sees. I call this portion of my life "The Diary of the Unseen." No one is who they appear to be, and to stay strong you must trust no one.__  
_  
Life can be good, life can be great,  
But sometimes its misunderstood, it's only fate.  
If you stay strong life will last long.  
If you act weak, death is what you seek.  
The more people you trust the more you can get hurt,  
Its like love and lust, making something you weren't.  
You should choose to lose and never abuse the feelings you use.  
To report the news when you kneel in the pews,  
And drink all the boozes, with your life advertised in tattoos.  
This marks the end of day 1 and I've learned to accept and never run.


	2. Day 2

Day 2

_Day 2_  
Day 2 comes around as a vague image burned into my eyes.  
Feeling as if I can't get things right because I'm the only one who tries.  
I'm also the only one who lies, but those past memories never fade.  
I counted myself so plain, so poorly made.  
No honest love could come to me.  
Suspicion kissed you when I did,  
Now your life is what you bid.  
Would you give them such a lie,  
Breaking hearts just to get by.  
Would you ever give them this.  
Would you testify for some ones love or blow me another kiss.  
Don't mistake your feelings as I mistook my own,  
Every heart I touched with my bright confidence died alone.  
I guess some feelings are never shown.  
At the farewell of day 2 I learned something new.  
Sometimes thoughts and feelings can't come true.


	3. Day 3

Day 3

_Day 3_  
Wager your thoughts on a game  
After each time nothing stays the same.  
Place your bets, what are the odds  
I'd be thinking of you now that your gone.  
I don't want to put it in public view,  
But I just want to say that I do miss you.  
It's so much easier for you to forget me,  
With all the memories for me to see.  
The tears will glisten as they run  
Will you please listen, I'm almost done.  
Love can never be killed but only frozen in time,  
Feel it in my words as they rhyme.  
As I watch the sun set on day 3  
A new way of thinking is what I see.


	4. Day 4

Day 4

_Day 4_  
Writers block, but no more pain, With feelings gone I have more to gain.  
A spark of change as feelings rearrange  
To find a new heart to being a new start.  
It won't come easy, because no one can see,  
That it's burning deep down inside of me.  
A time spent well with few years,  
Is a reflected image of all my tears.  
I've learned nothing at the end of day 4  
Only contemplating my actions of before.


	5. Day 5

Day 5

_Day 5__  
__March 14, 2008__  
__As thoughts come to my mind I restart the writing. The words flow in such a way that most can't see, feel, or understand. I'm confused and put into blank stares where all I feel is distraction from the world around me. I feel safe here but I can't stay. I light up and smoke away the pain and heartache knowing it won't be the same again. It seems as if it's repeating, missing her when I shouldn't. Is this a sign of truth? Too afraid to ask and tell because the fear for my life is all I can think. Stop coming to mind, stop being stuck in my head, stop trespassing through my feelings and thoughts._

I send my own self away, intimidated by what you say.  
Becoming even more numb at the end of the day,  
I won't face what I feel, because I won't believe it's real.  
I can't live through another empty promise.  
I can't live for another untold lie.  
I'm falling apart and I can't really feel this.  
Twisting my thoughts into a double helix.  
Makeshift lies, such a surprise, you can't see it through my eyes.  
All the times and all the rhymes, mostly felt from deep inside,  
feelings once confide, have now died and I can't even say I tried.

_I never made things any better, I only made them worse. Slowly stabbing her and killing her. I was suppose to always be there, and I wasn't. I caused the pain, I caused the tears, I caused the hatred, and I caused the end of something that was supposed to last forever. I'm responsible for so much and never attempted to apologize without her telling me too. Well, I know this might be late, and I know this might not be as great as she wants it..._

I'm sorry for all the pain I caused.  
I'll break it down, starting out with cheating on you.  
No excuse for what I did, I'll just say I didn't think things through.  
Just know that the kiss wasn't intentional.  
By the end of this I'll still be known to you as an asshole.  
Run away forever, it's the only thing that can save you.


	6. Day 6

Day 6

_Day 6__  
__March 17, 2008__  
__Happy St. Patrick's Day for those who care__  
__Pain is the only real emotion. Everything else can be taken away. Love, happiness, joy, can all vanish in a blink of an eye. Pain is pure, and the more pain the purer the feeling. With pain comes inspiration and the spawn of the creative moment in your life. As long as you know the enemy you can deal with them, but if you don't take them seriously and you get caught off guard, then your going to lose the battle. There's a light shining, and it grows larger and larger. You are my savior because you help me get through life. That little bit of joy that I get when you smile lasts a lifetime. The eye is said to be the entry of your soul, and as our souls catch a glimpse of one another there is a tremendous feeling that flows through us. As I try to find a place in my mind where sorrow is the catalyst of everything I do, I find a portion of my past. They say that history can repeat itself, but if you teach and learn of the past then it might prevent it from happening again. But there's nothing for me to learn. That's what I believe in my head when I know that I need to learn from the past. In classrooms, streets, jail cells and more, people cry out with questions they do not have answers to, and hearts become shattered from lies and gossip. No one likes this place that we like to call home. Worthless and caught up in fashion and looks. It sickens my soul and kills my reaction time. Speak what you have to say.___

_Words are weapons but emotions can kill.__  
__As fearless as I am I get a sudden chill.__  
__My nerves tighten and tension takes over.__  
__All of my self-respect slowly drops lower.__  
__Every breath leaves a stabbing pain.__  
__All these thoughts making me go insane.__  
__I'm losing the battle I can never win,__  
__Tearing me apart deep within.__  
__I feel okay but not this way,__  
__I have nothing more to say.___

_At the end of day 6 I write more words than phrases. This day is nothing spectacular to me. The reason we die is the reason we live, because life will always lead to death. How lazy have we all become, how worthless has time come to be.___


	7. Day 7

Day 7

_Day 7__  
__March 18, 2008__  
__You should learn something new everyday because you are faced with different situations everyday. The only thing that won't change is the sun that rises at dawn and falls at dusk. What can't you destroy and break in this world? If you become numb you are invincible but turn out to be invisible. The less you show, the less you're noticed. Fractured bones and shattered hearts are a result of ignoring what I feel. Whisper the words of fate to me.___

_A breath will release a virus so contagious,__  
__With the fire in my eyes and the magic of the sages.__  
__Rage and anger building up inside of me,__  
__I want to let it go, but it's a curse for eternity.__  
__I've found a loop hole in this thing we call life.__  
__Age old secrets that keep us alive.__  
__When a person dies, someone else survives, __  
__telling themselves these dreadful lies.__  
__But to me it's not a surprise, just watch the tears that fall from my eyes.___

_Tears, they're like fragments of feelings falling and falling, never to return. Although you regenerate more overtime, the feelings you lost can kill. People find life to be hard, tough, sucky, and more, but I think I'm the only person who thinks life is more routine than anything. You do the same thing everyday. What if there were no DAYS? What if TIME was never established? Questions asked but never answered. It seems that questions without answers are hovering over me constantly, just to give me something to think about and dwell over. I don't think before I speak. Does that make me a bad person?___


	8. Day 8

Day 8

_Day 8__  
__March 19, 2008___

_On this day I dress off topic, but feel the same. I can feel this pain brewing and building inside of me. Time is of the essence. My friend once told me that and you can see how right they are. A smell of natural gas hits me, suffocating me under my own breath. It takes 15 years to decode a person, but it would take a lifetime for me. By the time death arrives, i will understand who I am. I've seen things no one else can imagine. If you fake your own life you're a coward, taking and abusing all of your power. Look at me, am I cool? Sitting here in class when I could be at some dumb thing with my friends. Liars are deceivers and sinners are believers. What am I doing? Why am I writing? After I pay my debt to society, I get to be with the one I love. __  
__As I stare off into space I am taken to an undiscovered place.__  
__Here in this moment no one has eyes,__  
__Blinded by all that they despise.__  
__I see a girl sitting on a bench,__  
__With her hair pulled back and a rotten stench.__  
__As I approach her and try to sit down,__  
__She lifts hear head up showing a frown.__  
__She's bolted to the bench by her back and head.__  
__Then I see a flash and wake from the dead.___

_"Make an effort to change." That's what I was told, and now I'm thinking the same way about THEM. Everything is always going to be different to someone than it is to you and vice versa. Beautiful dreams come from intense feelings of artistic thoughts. Take some paper and a pen and start writing. You will be surprised about what you write. It may even change you forever. It's something you should dread and love.___


	9. Day 9

Day 9

_Day 9__  
__March 22, 2008__  
__Happy Easter to those who care.__  
__Day 9 will not be seen written on paper. I see why parents are so scared whenever their kids grow up. It's not because they are going to lose their little princess or little slugger, it's because they don't know what's going to happen. Who would have guessed that I would have ended up the way I am today. I'm scared, scared to think about what I will become as I grow older. I'm not going to lie, I deserve every bit of pain I endure, but the unfair part is that these feelings, thoughts, and explanations will stick with me till death. There won't be any poem or song on this day. Easter is suppose to be a day of rebirth, but I feel nothing reborn. I was told that I should stop thinking of myself and more of others first, but if I don't feel as if I will be okay then I make no effort to apologize. I can't help but to think for myself, because all I do is dwell over something I did. Cut my life short, it doesn't scare me at all. Death can come to me at any given point and tear apart everything and anything in it's path. I'm ready to face the casket and all the pain it bares. Bury me six feet under the ground. I'm ready to dance with the maggots.___


	10. Day 10

Day 10

_Day 10__  
__March 25, 2008___

_Part 1 __  
__The day started with me awakening to the sound of a helicopter and the sight of half darkness. The moon didn't rise till 11:00 last night and stands in the sky now. Today I feel reborn in a way because I found the words and how to arrange them. I spoke my mind to the one I needed to and I feel the depression and guilt slowly creep away. There will be many pauses on this day for my writing, but thoughts will be carried all day. It's 7:59 and this puts an end to part 1.___

_Part 2___

_It's 9:13 and it's still early in the day. Lately I have had a writers block for writing poetry and songs. It seems as if I can't organize my words and thoughts in the same ways anymore. I can't get the thought of the bitching I did last night out of my head. I wish that the person who I bitched at could and/or will understand the words I spoke. You have to realize that if someone changes for someone else there is a a chance that it won't work out the right way. If the other person doesn't see it, even when everyone else does, it's because the person whom that someone changed for can do nothing but live and breathe the past. They won't see the change because they can only see the past. Sometimes it makes no sense to change for someone especially after so much pain and damage is done. To better explain what I mean, take this as a scenario. The person changing is "X" can the person who "X" is changing for is "Y". If "X" causes damage but then realizes finally that they need to change they do. All of "X's" friends and family can see the change, but "Y" doesn't even see a single thing. "Y" doesn't see it because the pain that "X" caused traumatized "Y" causing "Y" to forever see the pain. Much like how a person who is raped, beaten, neglected, served the war, or had some other experience in their life that changed it may act afterwards. It's called PTS, and it kills a person and their lifestyle. Some people can't forget the past no matter what circumstances, much like how the "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing is played out. That's not always true people so get that thought out of there. Even when they are presented with a logical explanation, they still don't believe. I have something to say to those people. Whenever you are given an explanation, believe it, and realize you were wrong. Just remember, a lot of people say they know how you feel when they don't, whether it be good or bad. It's 9:32 and this ends part 2.___

_Part 3___

_Time has shifted and it's now 12:38. I won't lie, I have lost thought about what I have done and the ones I really care for. I'm beginning to feel the numbness come back again. I sometimes wish I had no friends, just to see what could happen and how things would be. This diary might be the thing that someone sees lying next to me as I drip blood. I would never go through with suicide though. I don't believe anyone would, I only believe that they get to the point, make a mistake or rethink. People cut for attention, but I cut for a reason. Endure the pain I caused on others. It's like __FORCING KARMA__ onto myself so I don't have to wait and suffer. If you don't believe in karma then it isn't real. It's a words for people to be scared of, just like __HELL__. Just like how kids have to be good because Santa is watching, when really he's not there, he's fake. It's just a way for your parents to scare you into behaving while they can't watch you. You can be bad and you still get presents. What goes up must come down, and the past is the host for the names of today. How did they know when Jesus died, and the exact date? Not to hurt anybodys beliefs, but it doesn't all add up. How can one book depict all of the world before it is presented? What if there comes a time when someone defies what this book says? If you can't see it, how do you know it's there? You're told that it is and that's why. That just proves that people who have power and a free voice can do whatever they want. Break away from these questions and start brainstorming answers and ideas. Maybe one day my voice will be heard and acknowledged, not through power, money, religion, or some cult, but from an ordinary person with an extraordinary mind. At the time of 1:02, all feelings and thoughts are set aside. This is the end of day 10___


	11. Day Of Truth

Day of Truth

_Day of Truth__  
__March 26, 2008___

_I haven't lied once today, and I'm beginning to wonder what is going on in my head. This morning I was different, i sat instead of standing while waiting for the bust to come. The weird part is that I could see myself in third person sitting there on the curb. I question if I'm alive or not. What if I'm dead, and I died at birth with the cord wrapped around my neck. What if this is all nothing but a glimpse of what could have been. Lately I have been seeing in third person. I sit here in class writing and look over to VADE and see him, but I also see me and everyone else. Am I crazy or mental? No, I'm nothing close to it, but I sometimes question my reasoning and solutions. Science can prevail, logic can overcome, but thoughts and feelings can never be proven. Alive or dead, I still think and feel.___


	12. Outro

Outro

_Outro__  
__Well in the end, I became reborn, I became neutralized, and I have come to common terms with myself. Did I reach my goal? No, but I learned things on the way there. Many years are needed to learn and realize things in life that you did, and haven't done yet. Have I changed? Yes, but not entirely. See, the last things I have realized and learned are that no matter what, you can always change, you can always become better, but the past will always be there. You are seen in every single persons eyes differently. The ones who went through what you wanted to change, will always see you the way you were before. The past is always with them, and the past is always with you, whether or not you want to believe it. The most important thing I have realized is that the past is always there. If you get in toruble, killed someone, hurt someone, lied to someone, missed someone, loved someone, lost someone, ect. you will always have it tied around your neck. You lived the past, live the present, and create the future. Actions have consequences, both good and bad, and they affect your future, present, and past. Don't forget me as someone dead to emotions and thoughts, forget me as someone paralyzed to emotions and thoughts. I'm never going to be the same again, but I will always be reminded of it.__  
__"Never Die Alone" "Live Paint Not Fear"_


End file.
